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Wednesday, January 06, 2010

30440 - My Lucky Number!

Okay so yesterday bib numbers were released for the half marathon.  I am 30440. 

One of my coaches sent out an email about a sim run we are doing on Saturday morning; I am running the last 6.2 miles of the half marathon course.  Ever since that email I've been a wreck, tearing up and worried about everything.  I wrote my first real race plan which event included reminders to potty!  Talk about details!

Don't get me wrong.  It's not that I don't think I'll finish.  I know I will and that should be the only thing that matters, so long as I give my best effort.  But the the thought that I may not achieve my realistic goal of sub 3 hours, makes it hard for me to even think about my stretch goal of sub 2:50. 

It seems like if I can do 6.2 miles in 1:19, I should be able to 13.1 in under 3 hours... even if I slow down!

I just don't want to disappoint myself... others. I know I've trained hard -- and learned a lot over the last several weeks with regard to pacing and trackwork.  I wish I had learned all that stuff much, much earlier!  But I can't change the past and can only take forward with me the new knowledge.

I know much of this is nerves.  I jokingly told one of my coaches that I would have to triple hydrate to make up for the tears (already had one episode this morning just writing her back!).

I still can't believe that I'm doing this.  Seriously, I can replay the times I said I would never, ever run like this.  I'm so thankful I can... and maybe that's what drives me to do it.

Then last night my running group's coaches caught up with me at the track and gave me my gift I didn't get at our holiday party because I left early. It was a plaque. They gave everyone an "award" which were silly, but still truths, about each of them. One was the "True Grit" award and another was the "You Can't Keep A Good Woman Down" award... you get the picture. 

Mine? Mine was the "Future Ironman" award. They believe I can.



It's in writing now... I'm going to do it before I am 50.

I thanked them for it, got in my car and cried. All my life I have been told I can't to this or that because of my weight. And even though I've lost a ton and done some amazing things, I still have 40 lbs. to go, at least. I've trained hard as I could, but someplace in my head is that mindset I can't do the things I want, or achieve my goals, because I'm still too fat... in fact, that must be it because here come the tears again. Ugh!.

Because if I'm keeping it real, the weight DOES keep me from going faster.  Plain and simple. That's undisputable and it's my biggest obstacle to all my athletic efforts... including doing a full IM one day.

I know that's not the right way to think about it, but that's what's happening in my head. I don't want to disappoint myself or anyone else...

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Breakfast
Organic Valley Organic Half & Half, 4 tbsp
Regular Coffee, 2 cup (8 fl oz)
Fage Total 2% Fat Greek Yogurt, 0.5 serving
Horizon Organic 1% Milk, 0.66 cup
Optimum Gold Standard 100% Whey Protein - Vanilla Ice Cream Flavor, 1 serving
Blueberries, fresh, 0.5 cup

Lunch
Hormel 100% Natural Deli Honey/Oven Turkey (4 Slices), 2 serving
Orowheat 100% Whole Wheat Sandwich Thins, 1 serving
Baby Carrots, raw, 5 medium
Yellow Mustard, 2 tsp or 1 packet
Newman's Own Balsamic Salad Spray (10 sprays), 0.5 serving

Dinner
Brown Rice, long grain, 0.25 cup
Salsa, 0.25 cup
Chicken Breast, no skin, 4 ounces
Beans, black, 0.25 cup
Horizon Organic Lowfat Sour Cream, 1 tbsp

AM Snack
Old Fashioned Quaker Oatmeal- Plain, 1 serving
Optimum Gold Standard 100% Whey Protein - Vanilla Ice Cream Flavor, 1 serving
Mediterranean Apricots (drived), 0.5 oz

PM Snack
Apples, fresh, 1 small (2-1/2in. dia) (approx 4 per lb)
Kraft 2% cheddar block cheese, 1 oz

Evening Snack
Swiss Miss No Sugar Added Hot Chocolate, 1 serving
Optimum Gold Standard 100% Whey Protein - Vanilla Ice Cream Flavor, 0.5 serving

Calories: 1,492
Protein: 150 g / 41%
Carbs: 144 g / 39%
Fat: 31g / 20%

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“Now if you are going to win any battle
you have to do one thing.
You have to make the mind run the body.
Never let the body tell the mind what to do.
The body will always give up.
It is always tired in the morning, noon, and night.
But the body is never tired if the mind is not tired.”

- George S. Patton, U.S. Army General, 1912 Olympian

1 comments:

triathlontrainingblog said...

Thanks for the comment on my blog! It made me realize my "about" page is begging to be updated!

I'm excited to read about your first half-marathon - I'm doing my first in April. Hang in there- it sounds like you are super-prepared and are going to nail it!

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