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Wednesday, October 07, 2009

A Whole Lotta Nuttin'

Well, I know things have been pretty boring, at best in this blog lately. I don't feel like I have much new to share, and hate to repeat the blather because I could go on, and on, and on.

So, having said that... here's some blather, if you must know:

I'm in a uncomfortable place right now. Health-wise I'm working on my running and making progress, but still don't have the thyroid BS under control. It impacts so many different facets life that it really would be fascinating to explore, if it weren't such a frustrating mindf*ck on the scale.

I'm certain my hormone levels have me all emotionally jacked right now too. I mean, I tear up at TV shows/commercials, I am moody and sensitive. I mean, what woman would be happy getting their period twice a month? Yeah, lucky me. Maybe I should play the lottery.

Add to that, it's no secret I'm not happy with what I do for a living, and at this point it just makes me sad. I need to find and decide on something new in the next 2 years; hopefully we'll be in a position where I can make a career change without impacting my family too much and still contribute. I still cannot believe that at nearly 42 years old I still think about a new career in terms of whether if I'd be too fat to succeed in the the job I might want.

Effin' "programming." *eye roll*

I hate to sound so down, but this is my reality right now. This "fog" just kind of hovers -- I don't dwell in it, and I do try to be thoughtful about the situation and come up with different ideas and ways I can succeed. I'm just in that place where you know you have to make a change, but you just don't know what to do or where or how to start and there are some real-life factors that are precluding you from just moving forward.

If the past dictates the future, then being uncomfortable with a situation is what lights the fire for me. I know I'll figure it out. I'm seriously considering some daily meditation -- maybe that will give me some clarity on the path I'm supposed to see ahead of me.

My Husband is beyond patient and supportive. I'm not sure why or how he does it? He doesn't try to "fix" me, he just seems to give me my space but still shows concern. Sometimes I hide more than I should (and I know he's reading this at some point) and I say something that surprises him when he hears the truth of how I feel about something.

Our Anniversary was this past Saturday -- we are married 6 years, togheter for 10 in December -- Wow! How life has changed for us since then -- and really it's all good. I can't imagine my life with anyone else; SHMILY! My gloominess is absolutely no reflection of of my love Husband, Daughter or family -- in fact, they are the very ones who keep me focused on continuing to try and figure things out.

In some other news, I'm the new proud "co" owner over an Xterra Vortex 3 Full Wetsuit -- I got a smokin' deal on Ebay. It was used once by a dude who got sea sick, and nevr used it again. It is over $400 retail and I got it for $188. Should be here by Friday or Saturday. I say "co-owner" because Hubs is going to use it for kayaking too! The wetsuit is really all I need for the Lonestar Tri next April. A lot of folks were fine with Sleeveless Shorty wetsuits for swimming in the Gulf in Apirl, but not me -- maybe the HypoT has something to do with that? Who knows.

Oh, I have Duathlon on Sunday. A Du for which I haven't really been training, so this ought to be fun. I've been running, but not much riding and I haven't been bricking, which is going to cost me, I'm sure. I figure I may as well do my 7 mile run on Saturday, because no matter how I cut it, I'll do shitty at the Du on Sunday. I'll do shitty, but I'll have fun. :)

2 comments:

Buttsy said...

Not sure what to say here.....life just keeps dishing out "stuff" and we get through it...ups and downs.....interesting to see that you are heading toward 42...me too... I will be 42 next month...crossroads in life are challenging......I am heading toward one I think at the moment....not sure but there are always lots of options and you dont have to get it perfect the first time......

Justin and Corrie said...

Oh, Donna, I'm sorry. I understand that feeling of needing to make a change, but having no idea how to begin. It's so frustrating, and it keeps you going in circles. (I'm sure that contributes to my personal need for anti-anxiety meds.)

About your hormones... is that related to the hypothyroid?

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