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Wednesday, February 04, 2009

Honest Scrap

Been working on this for a while. Thought I could get by with passing off my last meme as this one... but they are definitely different.

I want to be honest... but there's always that little something keeping me from sharing EVERYTHING on the i'net.

Anyway, another tagged blogger posted hers and reminded me I had a draft sitting here, waiting for further contemplation.

The Rebel tagged "Donna", so I am assuming that's me. *shrug* Rebs, if you didn't mean me, then everyone is getting some free introspection from me. LOL

So... here goes.

1) I've known in my gut something was impeding my weight loss efforts, but couldn't get a doctor to move forward with more tests until now. I mean, who has gastric bypass and doesn't lose at least 100 lbs? I also knew it had something to do with my Thyroid. Although I also know that regulating my Thyroid doesn't mean it will magically fall off either.

2) I get upset, in spite of myself, when I feel people look at me as a weight loss surgery failure. Therefore I tend to only share the fact I had weight loss surgery with a small, hand-picked, group of people. I sometimes even trying to keep from mingling my WLS circle separate from my everyday life. Might be right or wrong for me in the head, but that's where I'm at now.

3) I feel strongly that despite any desire I have, I could never be successful in a career that involves personal training or nutrition until I've reached my goals first. Who wants a fat trainer? Who would take advice from a fat nutritionist, seriously? In fact, there are many things I won't do because I'm still fat.

4) I knew pretty quickly after meeting Darren that he was "the one." I really know how lucky I am and love him dearly. I feel he has "put up" with a lot from me in the last year, but still never ceases to be my biggest supporter! :)

5) I'm sick and tired of being frustrated. Period.

6) I don't hate my job. I'm just not passionate about my job. I'm good and what I do and make a decent paycheck, so it keeps me here. Number 3 leaves me feeling "stuck"though.

7) I've worked to hide my sadness most of my life and I have shitty self-esteem, even though some family members dispute that fact. They never knew how badly I really felt. Sometimes I still feel badly. Sometimes I still feel like a failure.

8) I follow a healthy lifestyle, 95% of the time. The other 5% I cut myself some slack and enjoy life a bite here and bite there.

9) People think I'm so motivated with fitness, but I really do enjoy exercising; I look at it as my "me" time. That said, there is always, at least, one day a week that I take myself to the gym kicking and screaming.

10) I try my best not to reflect my weight issues upon my Daughter. I often hope she has Darren's weight issues, if any, and not mine. And if she does have issues, I want her to be confident in herself and really understand she is not defined by her weight. I also realize I am her role model and "teacher", so to speak. It scares me to death.

Tag 7 people?

Ugh... I'm not picky. If you do it, let me know... I'd love to read someone else's truths!

5 comments:

Janine said...

Great post - I got tagged as well, and it fargged me out of hiding. Then I found your blog. Will be a follower.

She's A Rebel, She's A Saint said...

Of course it was you, Donna! You're the only Donna that reads my blog that I'm aware of.

Very honest answers. I was shaking my head in all the right places.

Corrie said...

Oh man, some of these sound so familiar... Number 10 really resonates with me. I'm scared to have kids. What if they have the same weight problems I had? And my husband has gotten in worse shape since we've been married. Do I have that effect on people? What if I start gaining my weight back? Geez. Weight is and will always be my Big Issue.

Donna, I want you to know I am SO PROUD of the good choices you make. You are a good example, and I need one. I wish we lived closer; I need a personal trainer, and I don't really care how much/little you weigh. I'm POSITIVE you could kick my ass in the gym...

Anonymous said...

Hi - long time lurker de-lurking to say: YOU ARE NOT A WLS FAILURE. Oh, and THIN =/= HEALTHY. You should read a great book called "Health At Every Size". Bodysize is not the be-all-and-end-all of health and fitness. I love your blog :)

Kim H. said...

Oh my gosh Donna - I am SO with you on these... I feel like you do on number 1, but no one else thinks that I'm sane...

Thanks so much for your honesty - I've been tagged on another blog - so I'll try to do mine today sometime.

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