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Tuesday, November 11, 2008

2 Years... Time Flies When You're Having Fun!

So my 2 year surgi-versary will be here on Saturday and I have very mixed emotions.

Quite honestly I don't know why I haven't had the success others have experienced and it is frustrating -- I have to admit it. I eat right, God knows I exercise. I've talked to several professionals but no one offers any answers -- they say, "eat more", "eat less", even "don't workout so hard." Still at 2 years out I've not hit -100 lbs. (since surgery). It's like my body is taunting me, holding me pretty much the same at -95 lbs. I know folks who break the rules daily, or totally disregard them and don't exercise -- even they yield better results! And yeah, it pisses me off sometimes... I feel cheated and admittedly, childish, at times. It's pathetic sometimes.

I can't let this be something that saddens me though. Do I regret my choice? Hell no -- just for the simple fact I am no longer Diabetic is reason enough for me. Knowing I won't face the same fate my Grandmother did, losing limbs -- or having to inject myself the rest of my life (and still have issues) makes it worth while.

I am in better health now, more than ever, and I can't believe 2 years has passed so quickly. I have done so much and accomplished so many things I thought I'd never do. Simple things, like being able to fit comfortably in chairs, to challenges like the MS150.

Like I said... "time flies when you're having fun.", and I am.

Do I still think something is wrong? Yeah. How can I create no less than a 1,000 calorie deficit a day and not lose... even to lose s-l-o-w-l-y would be more than welcome! I have to get to the bottom of this. This was exactly the same problem I had pre-op. Exactly. I got to a certain weight, but never could get lower than that.

I don't feel like I can be an active participant in WLS communities because of my lack of generally perceived success. I try focusing on what I achieve, and use that as my personal barometer, but it's not the same. WLS peers look at me puzzled, as if I'm hiding some dark truth about what's really going on behind the scenes. My blog is really my only outlet and I've really not met someone else like me to talk with and share information in an effort to figure out what is happening with my body. I participate on OH occasionally, but just don't feel like I belong.

Ugh... enough! I knew this wasn't going to be an easy road... I just thought that since I had already made certain lifestyle changes, I wouldn't have as big of a challenge as others. I know how to eat right and exercise. Most of the time I can keep my head in the game, unless I'm purposefully reflecting on past progress, or lack thereof.

At this point I'm not even targeting a certain weight... I just want my hip-to-waist ratio to be healthy and that means just 6" off my waist and hips. Just 6"! I know in my heart I'll get there, but it will take more time and more effort, which is fine. Luckily I like this thing they call exercise... and plan to continue to do it for the rest of my life. :)

So here I am... definitely looking better than pre-op, but still have a long way to go.


3 comments:

Kim H. said...

I soooo understand your frustration!! I watch people pass me up daily in their weight loss numbers, and I know that I've tracked and changed everything I know how to change in order to make the scale move... but not so much. I'm begining to think that it's hormone related. I've always had PCOS, and apparently there is a doctor in town that is a specialist in the problem - I'm thinking about talking to Dr. W about going to see him at the first of the year. It can't hurt to see what's going on with that system, right?

Simply Theresa! said...

Donna, I have always looked up to you. I know that sounds silly since we have never met. However, your love for life, the way you challenge yourself and push beyond limitations is inspiring. I remember when you got married, when Cassie was born and when you had the surgery. You had the surgery on my birthday and I remember thinking how brave you were to make such a life changing decision.

I love you, I admire you and I am always cheering for you!

Smooches...

Kim said...

Donna, you inspire me. Plain and simple. Because of you, I am headed out to the gym in the rain and am looking into places that have pools I can swim in.

You are a success. You are living life boldly and proudly. Which is really all we ever wanted to do when we decided on WLS.

Much love.

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